Pregnancy Loss - Miscarriage

If you have been reading my blog for a long time then you will know that in 2015 I had an ectopic pregnancy, I told my story HERE. I found that telling my story was a good thing and it helped me see what a big deal it was in black and white in front of me, but still to this day it upsets me that I had to have one of my fallopian tubes removed and the emotional impact it had on my life.

I always wondered how much it would effect my fertility and I started to truly believe that I would not be able to conceive naturally until about 6 weeks ago when I found out I was pregnant.....

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My partner, since the day I met him, has been so positive about the future and us having children, he has always, always told me we would be able to have children naturally. I would listen to him but deep down I wouldn't believe him until recently when I started with pregnancy symptoms - heartburn, bloated stomach, sore boobs, very vivid dreams and then a missed period.

I took a test and an extremely faint line appeared, it was barely visible and my partner couldn't see it, but I knew deep down it was positive. I started doing tests daily and then a digital test which confirmed I was pregnant. I was actually pregnant!!!

From the moment I found out I was pregnant I was waiting for something to go wrong, and it did, while we were on holiday in Lanzarote, I started bleeding.

When I started bleeding I wasn't shocked at all, I had kind of expected it so it felt like it was normal in some way, but bleeding in't normal and I knew I was going to be pregnant anymore.

I went to the hospital in Spain and had an internal scan, this is when the pain in my stomach started. I was standing up in the hospital rocking from side to side to ease the pain, imagine a very, very intense period pain. At the hospital there wasn't anything they could do apart from advise me to go to hospital again when we got back to the UK, which we did. I had another scan in the UK and 2 blood tests, then it was 'officially' confirmed I was no longer pregnant.

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The emotions a woman goes through when finding out they are pregnant are huge, but to then find out this has changed so suddenly and quickly is really sad. Even though I expected it, it is still heartbreaking, my thought process was all over the show, from feeling like I knew it was going to happen so there was a sense of relief that I was right, but at the same time I was heartbroken that my body had not been able to look after and grow a baby again.

I am still coming to terms with it and it still upsets me, especially after my ectopic pregnancy and the emotional impact it had on my life in 2015, but I feel talking about it is a good thing as many women go through this confusion and upset on a daily basis and they usually suffer in silence.

It's OK to feel heartbroken, angry, scared, disappointed, sad, like it's your fault, but you need to always, always remember that there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop something like this from happening and it isn't your fault, I promise.

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1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, this is a statistic, but when it happens to you you feel like the only person in the world that has been through it, but your not alone. There is tons of support and advice here > The Miscarriage Association and I can guarantee you that someone you know has been through the same experience, if they haven't and you want to talk to someone then I am always open to supporting people as I'm sure that many, many other women online are too.

One day I will be a mother, that may not be soon, or it may not be naturally, but it will happen. I need to remain positive through this difficult time.

Have you ever experienced a pregnancy loss? If so, feel free to tell your story in the comments as I am sure one day someone will read this for support and reassurance.



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